One day, sometime during your teenage or young adult life, a sinister figure snuck in through the backdoor of your mind. Maybe you remember the exact moment: that painful break-up, the loss of a job, or a failed application to Cambridge.
I am staring at the screen. I probably rewrote that headline 39 times, and still don’t feel comfortable with it. In truth, though, nothing feels ‘quite comfortable’ anymore.
“I was in a great relationship before: my husband was loving and kind at first. But, after 4 years of marriage, he left me for another woman. I don’t blame myself for it, I am still processing my anger and sadness about it, and I can’t help but worry: How do I know that the same thing won’t happen to me again?”
Do you prefer to be centre-stage, or backstage? Do your friends call you the party animal, or the home-body? Are you a dog-person or a cat-person? Do you have more sociopathic, or more psychopathic tendencies?
What are your positive traits? Maybe you’re artistic, conscientious, precise or pragmatic; empathic, goal-driven, enthusiastic or independent. Now think about how these very traits have caused you trouble in the past.
Before you read this article, a disclaimer: This subject may stir up some upsetting emotions. Most of us would rather put it off until we have no choice in the matter. But I’d like to pose a challenge: if you allow yourself to experience a little discomfort now, you can save yourself – and your loved ones – massive costs in the future.
Personal growth is held in a delicate balance between ‘the good enough’ and ‘the best’. Your capacity to hold this balance can mean the difference between being a dad or being a present dad; dominating others or inspiring others; building an empire or transforming a nation.
So you’ve decided to quit your job, and you’re feeling anxious. This is expected. Maybe this was your first job – straight out of varsity. Maybe you just got a raise and a promotion for being such a stellar employee. On the other hand, you might be leaving because you have a horrible boss, and you don’t know if you can handle his reaction when you say “Ciao!”.
You’ve been staring at the screen for the entire day. But you’re not working, no: you have fallen into the Youtube spiral of distraction and despondency hours ago. It all started so well: you blocked out time in your calendar to get inspiration for the next project. You had a plan.
Our minds tend to think in little boxes. It helps us simplify and make sense of the world. While you were still in nappies, your mom would point to pictures, and have you mouth after her:
You can sense it when they walk into a room. The open posture, their expansive energy and the way they carry themselves so effortlessly in their own skin. They do their work with skill, resolution and purpose, without even breaking a sweat. With some, confidence can also be loud: speaking with charisma, clarity and infectious energy. They inspire us and compel us to follow. They are leaders. They are experts. They are gods.
What constitutes the “perfect getaway”? This time of year, the promise of a dream holiday is plastered across cheap brochures like flies on a beached whale. All-inclusive packages are punted with every essential ingredient – tropical weather, rolling beaches and long island on-tap. And yet, we often return from these retreats more depleted (and broke) than how we had left. Even if you manage a semblance of rest, daily life has a way of hum-drumming the sunlight right out of your stride.
Anger is not your enemy. In fact, it may be your best ally. Meet Brutus. Brutus is a watchdog. The Smiths had bought him when he was just a pup, and sent him off to dog-school to train in the art of biting, growling and everything watchdog. His main purpose was to protect the Smiths and their home from intruders.
Stop waffling, and start self-authoring. The pen is mightier than the sword. But it’s also weaker than a jelly-baby. In fact, even if I don’t know how to wield a sword, you could still lose an eye. But if I don’t know how to wield a pen, you’ll only lose interest.
In the late 1930s, the word ‘psychosomatic’ was added to the medical dictionary. It’s purpose was to explain illnesses in the body with psychological causes. It was useful back then, but it’s an abstraction – an ‘idea’. It’s not a concrete fact.
BZZZZT!
“Just…five…more…minutes…”
BZZZZT!
“Just…five…more…minutes…”
It doesn’t matter what exercise you do – whether it’s CrossFit, yoga, Pilates, Zumba, aerobics or gymnastic training: all of them can damage your body – badly! On top of that – if you’re in a class of 20 people, the trainer can not possibly be mindful of your unique form. So you need to know your body pretty well to avoid injuries. And, since sitting is the new smoking, even your couch isn’t safe anymore. So, how do you push yourself into your edges, without falling over the edge?
Disclaimer: This post contains some hard truths. It is less inspiring and comforting than our usual style, but it packs a power-punch of sobriety. So, I invite you to brace yourself, read it all the way to the end, and ask some hard questions.
The Ama (海女, or ‘woman of the sea’) have mastered the art of breathing. Since 700 A.D, these women have been free diving for pearls on the shores of Japan. Often needing to go as deep as 20 meters, for a minute or two at a time before surfacing to breathe, they fill their baskets with jewels from the sea.
“Then why on earth are you hosting a diet-show?” Yesterday, DSTV launched a new program, Die Eet Oorlog (Eating War), in which I facilitate a coaching-process with three very brave women, on their journeys to weight loss.
Change is scary. Whether you’re moving to a new city, different job or in a new relationship, it takes a lot to make a shift. Even when the new city is safer, and the next job pays better – there are still some emotional and mental challenges to face.
The idea of ‘Emotional intelligence’ and ‘Emotional resilience’ have been hot topics lately. Studies show that those who are emotionally ’smart’, are headhunted for jobs, great in relationships and more apt at handling life’s curve-balls. So, what exactly does it mean?
Before we start, let’s do a short assessment: how do you control your emotions? Choose your most common response from the list below:
This one-liner has featured in many a household. Sadly, as an accusation. I am yet to hear a husband use it to compliment his wife. On that note: how do you feel about your parents? Pay attention, though – the question is not: “What do you think about your parents”, but which emotions do you feel when you think about them?
Love them or hate them, you’re bound to resemble your parents, one way or another. If they were loud, chances are that ‘inside voice’ is not your default-setting. If they were moaners, you may struggle to notice the silver linings in the storms. And that’s okay – we don’t need to resist the way our parents influenced us – whether it was through their discipline, or genes. It’s better to learn from these traits, and harness them.
You are one incredible creature. The discoveries we’ve made in the last couple of decades about how humans work are mind-blowing! For a moment, though, I’d like you to forget what you know about your body: all the illustrations and diagrams on where your lungs are, how your mind looks and what your blood-cells do.
You have a physio on speed-dial, and pain-killers in your back pocket. You’ve been to an acupuncturist, a chiro, a reflexologist, an energy-healer, and – to your shame – even tried that horse-cream your grandmother swears by. You follow the latest blogs on ‘living healthy’, swallow a handful of ’natural’ supplements with your morning-coffee and spent half of your income on memory-pillows, mattresses and peculiar-looking self-massage tools.
We just love running after extremes, don’t we? Something is either the absolute worst, or heaven on earth. Don’t say it is ‘good in these ways’ and ‘bad in those ways’: it’s too complex, and our eyes glaze over.
The Fads are Confusing! It’s virtually impossible to stay on top of all the latest fads in nutrition. In the last 60 years, we’ve already gone full-circle; from whole-fat, to low-fat & and back to “butter is best”. So, what is the truth? Why do the “expert” opinions play merry-go-round? (And, what’s up with the latest coconut-water craze!?)
If you grew up in the West, and you often read blogs and Google “how to” strategies, you probably don’t need new information. You actually need some advice to apply what you already know. We can Google anything; but turning that information into actions, is a different ball-game.
He makes eye-contact. Darn it! You know his face, but — like so many others — you have forgotten his name. Oh no! He’s coming over. You put on an exaggerated smile, which probably has more of a deer-in-headlights look, and dive straight in: “Heeeeey! How aaaaare you!?”
Your brain is the most powerful computer on the planet. It’s also squirrel somewhat distractable. For instance, it only takes squirrel you a moment to recognize the word that does not belong. However, you still squirrel cannot stop yourself from:
Comms R Changing. A friend of mine – teacher – mentioned how one of her students wrote an English essay in SMS-language. To the student, it’s just “language” – it’s how he communicates every day. Apparently he cldnt evn recognize th differenc btwn what he wrote&th basic grammar & rules we were held2, just a few yrs ago.
Peter Pan has become somewhat of a mascot for the 21st century. We’ve turned into a society obsessed with our youthfulness, and ‘grossed out by old people’. Healthcare companies, marketing-ploys, pharmaceutical giants and researchers spend billions of dollars annually to discover, create, or at least simulate the ‘elixir of youth’.
During a lunch-date, my friend once mentioned how she tries to raise her 6-year old son to be ‘human’ before he goes out into the world. She said that she doesn’t guard him from external influences, but attempts to raise him in this world, dealing with the ups and downs of human interaction, before the digitised virtual reality sucks him in.
Apparently we cannot multitask. Some research has shown that our minds are designed to focus on one thing, and one thing only. This is not entirely true – so we’d like to qualify this statement. You can multitask, sometimes, but first, we need to explain how your brain works:
One of the best ways to get people to read your content, is to start a title with ‘3 tricks’ or ‘How to’. That may be how we got you to read this. But, don’t feel cheated!
“I used to travel all across the US, to find the latest rides… I looooved the adrenaline-rush!! But, since my kids were born, something changed… I became more fearful of those kinds of activities… in fact, it’s so bad now, that I’m actually petrified of heights! I never used to be this way…”
You hit the alarm, get up, and get going, They say “I can’t do it”, you say “I’ve already done it”. They say “I’m not sure it will work”, you say “I fixed it.” They say “I need a break”, you say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” If this sounds like you, and you don’t want to risk your health & life, then you may need to take 5 minutes just to read this blog.
Yesterday, we mentioned the 2-minute pause button. One of the challenges with this tool, is that we often don’t have a list of diverse emotions. If you are highly driven, it’s possible that your list simply looks like this:
When was the last time you went to a dance-class? The way the baseline surges through your body, and vibrates through your chest. The way the sound of those velvety strings wrap themselves around your arms, pulsates through your muscles and electrifies your legs to swing in broad circles across the smooth ballroom floor.
It’s 1pm. I’m standing at the Woolies (grocery store) across the road. My mind is stuck in neutral: “Do I take the Chicken pesto, or thai chicken curry? Oh, there’s a low-cal Beef Stroganoff option, but the cellophane on that packet looks cancerous… or should I just have a fruit-salad? But fruit have sugars, which will spike my insulin….” a full minute later, I walk out with the same meal I had yesterday. It’s just easier.
Grab your notebook and a writing-tool. If you don’t own any, do yourself a favour and buy a moleskin and a pen that glides smoothly across the pages, then return and continue reading.
I don’t have a bathroom mirror or any mirror, for that matter. When I wake up, I grab my electric shaver and mow the lower half of my face, until it “feels smooth enough”. My hair, on the other hand, has a personality of its own. I call the sheepish shrub above my forehead “Dennis” (although he likes to be referred to as “The Master”.)
